I think Dr. Guru, R.'s French surgeon, knew straight away that he had cancer when he examined him a few weeks ago, even though the scans were inconclusive.
It's hard to explain how we feel.
R. now has a 12" fine red scar .... but life continues as usual .... with the addition of daily visits to oncology for radio and chemo therapy. Suddenly we find ourselves belonging to a new club, meeting the same people each day who await their turn in the booth, or on the drip. There are posters on the walls with numbers to call if you can't sleep or pictures of nutritional drinks if you can't eat. Some patients arrive on their own, defiant, appearing nonchalant. Most are couples, the wife or husband saving face until the partner's name is called for treatment, then crumpling, hollow-eyed, blindly reaching for a magazine. All the people in the club stare with unblinking remoteness, far away, remembering happy times and trying not to think of an unimaginable future.
We have to wait five years for the all clear. We could spend our time in fear, thinking about the many tests ahead, instead we're trying to find strength for life to continue as usual.
